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Another Wave is Coming

by Emily Edrosa

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1.
She Agreed 04:00
I met her in the tuckshop line when I was running out of time to find I out I was me, and keep my fingers clean. In hallways we swore ourselves forever only to ourselves and wagged among the trees, so I got not achieved’s. And then her parents they had had enough. Enough, to split us up. And she agreed. Her submission I did detest, I read about how scum manifests and thought of books and trees, you gotta know what you don’t need. And then as the sun came up I took her notes and boiled them up, and flushed them down the loo. I tried to flush her too. But I couldn’t flush what lived inside of me, so I decided I’d just let her be. And she agreed. And now I’m old and I haven’t done shit but at least I’m free from all that. Yeah it took a long time, but I’ve finally got mine. And I see her out with some dumb guy (I guess her parents they don’t mind), and I refuse to pretend that I don’t hate all of them. Or the thought of her not thinking of me, walking slowly backwards down her street. And she agrees. Right on. She said right on. Yeah right. Right on. I won’t leave the light on. Yeah right, right on. Yeah right.
2.
NCEA 03:05
Underneath the desk at best, I always thought I’d figure out the rest and never take it back. Marked out all that I could get, waiting for something to snap and then you know it’s gone to plan. And they’ve got plans, and cell phone plans. And they’ve got plans, and university common sense. And they’ve got plans for things that I don’t understand. And I’ve got plans, I plan to pace around the room. So turn and face the.. Keep your keys right in your hands, and don’t talk to me about self defence. I lost, but at least I never had a boss. Slept until the dead of day there isn’t nothing I wouldn’t do for pay except, maybe make a loss. And they’ve got plans, and cell phone plans. And they’ve got plans, and university common sense. And they’ve got plans for things that I don’t understand. And I’ve got plans, I plan lose some sleep for you So turn and face the bored today. They’re swapping uniforms for pay. I’m swapping all the chords that I can’t play. And nothings going on today.
3.
Sometimes I find myself feeling a bit older, feeling a bit bluer Feeling a bit dry. My mother’s cats they itch they scratch and they bleed her She wants them to need her No not like I. I ripped the label till I recalled what it meant. I flipped the switch till I thought about what you said. I’ll probably always think about you in that way. And wonder What the hell was I doing drinking during the day? Sometimes I find myself feeling a bit better Or maybe just weathered Or maybe just grown. Wake up sometimes and it feels like I never left ya I feel a bit better And then that feeling goes. Recall the good times till I recall what you said. The smell of vomit I tried to hide from my breath. I’ll probably definitely miss you everyday. And wonder What the hell was I doing drinking during the day? Let’s just leave the dishes throw em all into the sink. You put your dress on and yes baby I will do my make up quick. Yes dear, it’s been the worst year. And all our Christmas pasts are coming back to read our cards and play out. We’re gone now. We’re gone now. We’re gone again.
4.
Calling up my best friend to make a brand new problem, I cannot remember not being together. Watching all the good things depreciate in value, I cannot remember purchasing this mirror no. Nothing’s gonna save us, nothing’s gonna save us now. No nothing’s gonna save us now our brains have betrayed us now. No nothing’s gonna save us, I’ll end my guitar regime now. Nothing’s gonna save us, nothing’s gonna save us now. So stick it out till Sunday, a box for all my leather. I cannot remember realising linear. Better run for cover, no I do not feel clever. Another wave is coming, another wave is coming.
5.
A New Career 03:24
Amalgamate into our vilest thing. Crying out about everything. All the times we saved our breath now spoken in the blackest tense. Sometimes I think we’re dead. I wanna throw away all of my clothes, and all the things about me that you chose. Filing all the years away, a stranger growing everyday and all the while we wait For a new career for you. It is all that we can do. Sit and hope a garden blooms around you. But do you? Finding problems like staring at moles, and I won’t back down until I know. Like ghosts that just won’t leave this town we were born upon our burial ground so what did we expect? A new career for you? A big hole to fall into. Sit and hope a garden blooms around you. But do you?
6.
When we dance for rain I’ll be yours again. Call out, solo. Calling out to let you go. But there’s this road split in two, always leading back to you.
7.
I walked the streets and they walked me. And now I know how it feels to never feel good or bad. There’s a big big sky falling on our heads, a big big sky that won’t scream back. A fresh start into the blue I’m loose and chewed and out of tunes. A fresh start spend afternoons and moons ratting on the new you. It’s best to never look them in the eye in a strange place. All of my friends they forgot in a hurry, and motherhoods breathing breathing back. There’s a big big sky, won’t it just take me? A big big sky that never cares.
8.
Wade Thru 01:46
Waiting out a bad connection, I can’t seem to hold it in my hands. No I can’t seem to get up out my head. No I can’t seem to find a way to Wade thru And now it’s gone and I’m messed up for two. And now the world is wading way back. Searching for a premonition pouring down the phone at 5am. Trying to punch a whole in our eclipse. Trying to find a way back to Wade thru But now it’s gone, it’s calling out for you. And now the fakes are playing back our tune.
9.
Lesbian Pope 02:29
At the opening of an envelope, I was concerned with the lesbian pope. I was concerned with making it hurt as we read aloud the slogans on each other’s t shirts. Alright yeah ok. I’ll call for you babe And find a new way, release. Drive away, if I knew how I’d drive away to a new town. At the opening of our desires, population control still in the back of my mind. I read the news in comic sans and then I looked away and saw my child’s face in my blue Powerade. Oh yeah. Alright ok. So get up today, and wise up your ways towards.. At the end of the day we still pray it’s gonna come, till then another lovely trip around the lovely sun. And another guitar solo going off into the abyss, signing over and over “I knew this was it!” Alright. fight all day and forget your name And find a new way to sleep.
10.
Action 02:46
And I’ve got a brand new ceiling, so keep on pushing me down, pushing me down. Crush all the bad parts and blur out the meaning. No time to walk around or find a heartlands sound, singing poverty and mental health. Action baby. Action is all I want. Action baby. Action is all I’ve got. And I’ve got a brand new feeling: that I won’t think a lot about you. Should we feel so bad getting up in the evening, when there isn’t a lot that we can do? Sometimes it’s not enough, but we’re in love. There’s something wrong. There’s nothing wrong.
11.
A new face. A new walk. A new taste for wet cardboard. I set em free, but the bastards stayed. Run to me. Let’s get afraid. That same old fight, to have new belief. But I just get the bus, and then fall asleep. So make it stop. Or about me. We boil our cups, then let it bleed.

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released November 20, 2020

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Emily Edrosa Auckland, New Zealand

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